


The Maryam Family Christmas Party

by krazieLeylines



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Caliginous Romance | Kismesis, Flushed Romance | Matesprits, Humanstuck, Multi, One-sided Eridan Ampora/Feferi Peixes - Freeform, One-sided Eridan Ampora/Karkat Vantas, One-sided Gamzee Makarat/Dave Strider, One-sided Karkat Vantas/Nepeta Leijon, One-sided Karkat Vantas/Terezi Pyrope - Freeform, Pale Romance | Moirallegiance, all trolls from kanaya up are vampires, also an illegal blood trade, but that won't be covered here, it's not as lame as it sounds i promise, mostly it's a humanstuck au with a little more romance and blood sucking, the rest of the trolls are human, the vampires still use the quadrant system, they have human names, this is about the christmas party, vampyrestuck, what a night it shall be
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-11-18
Updated: 2013-12-02
Packaged: 2018-01-02 00:21:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,332
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1050333
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/krazieLeylines/pseuds/krazieLeylines
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Maryam's, an aristocratic vampire family, have a problem, and her name is Porrim Maryam. Refusing to wed, she brings dishonor to her mother, and more importantly, her younger sister, Kanaya. A inter-species holiday party might be just what it takes to find Kanaya the suitor that'll redeem their status in the aristocratic social circle. Kanaya recruits her best friend, Karter Vantas, to help her pick out the best guests for the Christmas party.</p><p>Gamzee Makara wants to woo Karter as his moirail, and what better place to let his affections be known than under the mistletoe? If he gets the chance to, and doesn't chicken out, that is.</p><p>A background fic for the <a href="http://vampyrestuck.tumblr.com/">vampyrestuck au</a>.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

December 10th, 2010  
Freshman Year  
Ruthven Academy

_The searing heat of a thousand fires smoldered in the empty space that was held, infinite, between Axel and his lady friend. Her gaze comparable to the narrowed slits of the mischief-inclined serpent, Axel’s mind involuntarily conjured a mirage of a flickering forked tongue. And with good reason: as Helena’s lips curved up into a smile caught between the lands of warm and amused, the very needle-sharp tips of her fangs peeked through._

_“Would you,” Helena’s voice hissed as she attempted to whisper, gaze heavy with the intimacy of the private social bubble they had constructed for themselves, “honor me a taste, Axel?”_

_If he could record her voice speaking his name, Axel would never dream for riches again._

“Karter.”

_The metal signifying of his last means of defense burned cool in his palm, the edges of the cross digging against his skin. He fought a battle against himself, and for her. Natural instincts warned him against her, but his heart was not of a prey’s simple fight or flee reflex. Axel’s heart had been stamped, signed, and mailed to Helena for enough time that he decided he could finally include his body._

_“If that is the only honor you request, that will have to suffice,” Axel answered._

“Karter, please. This is important. Helena and Axel can wait.”

Karter glared up at Kanaya, shielding him from his notebook page as though she hadn’t read through his work a thousand times before. “Kanaya, it’s finally getting to the bite scene! You can’t just expect me to postpone the most fucking important part of the entire story, can you?”

“Why don’t you start thinking less of fictional vampires and start thinking more of actual vampires?”

That caught Karter’s attention. He sat back against the courtyard tree, flipping his notebook closed, and raised an eyebrow at her, a silent agreement to allow her to continue uninterrupted. 

She folded her skirt under her as she reluctantly sat on the frost-covered rock beside him, one arm clutching a stack of papers to her chest. Kanaya offered one of the invitations to Karter, who read over the invitation quickly. He remembered her telling him about it the other day.

“It’s about my mother’s Christmas party. It would mean a lot to her, and to me, if you would help spread the word. The more people we can agree to come, the better.” 

“That involves socialization,” Karter grumped.

Kanaya laughed behind her mitten, breath cloudy as it escaped her perfectly licorice-black lips. “You need more of that anyhow,” she teased, elbowing him in the marshmallowy fat of his thick winter coat, “Shivering out here all alone in the cold when you could be hanging out with all your friends in the cafeteria. I hope you know you are going to wreak havoc on your immune system this way.”

“Better than having every asshole in a five feet radius gathering ‘round to breathe down my goddamn neck,” Karter said, and then, “Wait. What the fuck did that have to do with vampires?”

Another thick ball of smoke was expelled out Kanaya’s mouth at her humongous sigh. “Karter, please. This Christmas party is only party for the students of this school. If anything, we mean to use them to give our house the illusion of being crowded. My mother’s main goal is to impress the local vampire families, and to regain some social status among them.”

It wasn’t uncommon for vampires to use humans as scenery. Perhaps, Karter suspected, humans were as visually appealing to vampires as it was the other way around.

“So your mother still can’t find you a suitor, huh?” Karter whispered his words, although he doubted anyone else was outside to overhear. Although he couldn’t be certain, he suspected it was a sore subject. A suitor-less vampire had only one option to regain his or her honor, and Kanaya, despite all her religious beliefs and matronly manners, likely would despise the confiding four walls of a convent. Not to mention the colorless robes. 

As usual, the subject didn’t appear to have any emotional effect on Kanaya, but then again, she could be difficult to read at times. Her shoulders gave a half-hearted raise, and she said, “Not so far. We only have so many local vampire families. Speaking of, the Pyrope’s will be there.”

“Pyrope’s? Like… Terezi Pyrope?” Karter felt his face flushing and he hoped his scarf would hide it. He had never informed Kanaya of any of his crushes before, not like he did with Eridan. Kanaya didn’t need to be told. If there were any romantic leanings anywhere in the school, no matter which quadrant they were in, Kanaya could be counted on to sniff them out.

“Along with her family, yes.” Kanaya brushed the subject off easily enough, apparently satisfied by Karter’s initial reaction. “My mother hopes that with enough people talking about the party, we may be able to entice vampires from other regions to invite themselves.”

Karter snorted, kicking his heels against the stone below him. “Have to love when people do that. Okay, fine. Let’s get you a husband.”

Kanaya gave Karter a relieved smile, handing him half of the stack she was carrying. “Invite as many people as you can. Turn up that pretty boy charm. If it goes well enough, who knows, we may be able to find my sister a suitor as well.”

That last point… seemed highly unlikely, but Karter wasn’t going to contradict his vampire friend. If and when Porrim desired marriage, she would surely be showered in proposals. 

Instead of furthering the topic, Kanaya tapped Karkat’s notebook to get his attention once more. “I don’t want to see any of these invitations ever again,” she teased him, “so please try to give out as many as possible.”

He assured her he would, and she thanked him. 

\--

“What do you think ants got to be thinking about all day in and day out carrying shit to their queen? Think the tiny motherfuckers ever are wishing for a little more outta life?”

Toro glanced up from his pokemon battle to raise a concerned eyebrow at Gamzee, who was sitting cross legged on the cafeteria table beside him. The vampire’s face was creased in deep, troubling thought, his chin rested in his palm. Toro thought he looked similar to that famous thinking statue, aside from the nakedness factor.

“I can’t tell,” Toro said, “Existential crisis, or random thought hour?”

“Nah, nah, just _thinking_ , y’know?” Gamzee’s gaze refocused, and he turned to Toro. “How many creatures got their think on without us even being aware?”

Willing to indulge his strange companion, Toro chewed the topic over in his head. “Well, scientifically, I think we found that their thought capacity is limited, at least in comparison. Morally, I have to believe everything alive possesses a soul, and in certain religions, uh, souls aren’t separated by species. So all souls may have the same potential for thought, perhaps, unless the brain can suppress, or at least control, the amount of thought their form can process.”

As usual, when he spoke his mind, Gamzee’s attention was clamped on his every word as though he was spilling the righteous gospel itself. Toro found it hard to mind.

“I just gotta be all adoring on the way you get language, Toro,” Gamzee mused, sounding completely awestruck, “With explaining powers like that, you could go on and be a teacher or professor or some shit like that that will be involving a lot of talk.” He took a small rubber ball out of his pocket, one that Karter had given to him for his birthday last year. It was a boon for when the guy got fidgety. Before long, he was bouncing it off of his knee. “Just think of what all them ants could be telling us if they had the potential to be doing so. Mysteries, man! All these mother fuckin’ mysteries.”

For what must have been the millionth time in his life, Toro wondered if Gamzee was just honest, or perpetually high. He didn’t smell anything funny on him today, though, so maybe he was just having a good day.

“This is gonna be the year, Toro.”

For a moment, Toro had thought he was going to return to his game, but decided it was just better to put it away before attempting to keep up with the conversation whiplash. He finished off the enemy’s team and saved his place. “The year for what, Gamzee? You lost me.”

“Huh.” Gamzee didn’t question it just as much as let out the sound with a huge lungful of air. He juggled the rubber toy from hand to hand, eyes meeting Toro’s again. “Hahaha, shit! I guess I just galloped ahead with my thoughts without a brother, didn’t I? Sorry about that, motherfucker.”

Toro watched the red ball’s movement as it was tossed from hand to hand. After a moment, without warning, Gamzee went still.

Gamzee motioned to some of the paper snowflakes stapled to the billboard to their right with the back of his empty hand. “The happy holidays are gaining on us fast, Toro, and if a brother wants to make a move on another, and that motherfucker has it in his mind that he wants to be romanced real old-school, what’s the best bitchtits idea you can think of?”

It was an odd question, and thankfully Gamzee didn’t wait too long for an answer.

“Mistletoe! Mother fuckin’ mistletoe, brother!” Gamzee slapped his knee loudly, and Toro pretended at least five other students hadn’t glanced over questioningly at them. “I just gotta find me some mistletoe, and considering the season, it won’t be that hard to find! After that, a filled quadrant is pretty much secured, right?”

Toro wished he didn’t know what Gamzee was talking about. “And you’re talking about Karter, just to be clear?”

“Yeah!” Gamzee’s eyes lit up at the mention of his other best friend. He had an obvious crush on him, and had never been shy about it. “Don’t you think he’d get the biggest fucking kick out of having his first kiss under mistletoe?”

“Maybe.” Definitely. The answer was definitely. Toro gave himself the opportunity to correct himself, and didn’t. “But, uh, what’s going to make sure he knows you’re pale for him, in contrast to say, flushed for him. I know kisses have different, well, flavors would be an okay word I guess, depending on the quadrant, but I don’t know if humans can tell the difference, quite like vampires.”

If words could be taken back, Toro never would have found a better opportunity to do so. Gamzee’s eyes went wide with panic. 

“Shit, Tor bro. Didn’t even get my consider on for that scenario. Maybe that won’t work…”

 _Just apologize, assure him everything will be okay_ , Toro’s heart begged him, but just as he went to open his mouth, the bell rang.

It was so such his luck. Lately, Vriska was the only one with any to spare.

\--

It was turning out to be harder than Karter anticipated to find people he didn’t mind initiating a conversation with. After wandering around the hall for a while during his free period, he decided that Natalie was a good person to start with. It was no mystery that she had a major middle-school type of crush on him, wanting to share her crackers and juice with him, or something in a similar vein. Even though she could be exhausting to talk to, she was a half-way decent person, and besides, there was no way she wouldn’t accept the invitation. 

He texted Terezi quickly to find out which class she was in, and immediately set off towards the art building. 

Looking into the window of her classroom, Karter saw that Natalie was deeply involved in her fingerpaints. He sent her a few texts, but she didn’t even glance towards her bag. Typical. Of course she would be the type not to use her cell during school hours. Equius probably forbade her from the habit.

Before he could wimp out and decide to come back later, he saw Ara, sitting beside Natalie, give her shoulder a nudge.

Natalie’s eyes glowed like stars as she quickly excused herself and bounded over to the door to talk to him, still wearing her paint-splattered apron. Karter wondered what she had gotten her hope up for, and regretted using her crush to help promote Miss Maryam’s party. He backed up as she opened the door and shut it quietly after her, motioning him around the corner where they were out of sight.

“Karter, you’ve never visited me befur,” Natalie stated.

That was a very true fact. Karter hated himself even more for taking advantage of her, even if ultimately it would be for Kanaya’s benefit.

It took a moment of awkward rustling for Karkat to refind the invitations he had stashed away in his backpack, moving around his textbooks and fearing for an awful second that he had lost them somehow. “The Maryam family is having a Christmas party,” he told her, keeping his voice as monotone as possible, to avoid giving her the impression he was asking her out or something.

“Oh, yeah! I’m furry excited for it!” Natalie rolled her r’s in such a way that always made her sound like she was purring. It was ridiculous, but Karter supposed he couldn’t blame her. She had a heavy French accent, was all. It wasn’t as if she was trying to sound like a cat. At least he thought so.

Karter then realized what she had said. “Wait, you know about it?” Good job, he congratulated himself sarcastically. 

“Well, yes.” Natalie cocked her head, as if expecting it to be common knowledge. “I’m going with my meowrail, Equius.” _Moirail_ , Karter wanted to correct her, who had no idea how she could mispronounce that word so badly. “He asked me just last week!”

Right. All the local vampire families would be there, which included the Zahhak’s, and their quadrantmates. Karter felt like a moron.

“So, umm,” Natalie said, motioning her head towards the classroom, “What about it?”

God, she thought he was going to ask her to be his date! Karter knew he was never going to live this down, no matter how much charity work he did, he would always be the guy who gave an otherwise innocent girl false hope. 

“I’m spreading awareness for Kanaya,” Karter informed her quickly, trying to rip off the bandaid, so to speak, in record time. He paused, and shoved a couple of invitations into her hands. “Be sure to invite all of your friends! Kanaya wants a big gathering, you know, so she can maybe, uh.” He sought a lie to cover up the fact that he almost spilled the Maryam family’s biggest shame right there out in the hall.

It was slightly reassuring that he could be just as big a fuckup as a friend as a person, he supposed.

“Ooooh, yes! A big gathering sounds like fun,” Nepeta agreed with him, looking over the invitations and smiling up at Karter. “I’ll be sure to hand them out! Thank you.”

“No, thank you.” Karter looked for any signs of her heart being crushed, but saw none.

Maybe she was still expecting something else? Nepeta rocked back onto her heels, silent and watching Karter with what he thought was a hopeful expression. When he found no words to speak, she shrugged and gave his shoulder a pat. 

“Hey, I have to get back to class meow,” she informed him, brushing past him and back into the room.

Karter imagined that perhaps the door closed a bit too loud, but that might have just been him overreacting. He couldn’t be sure. He flipped through the invitations and heaved a frustrated breath. It was turning out to be quite the meddlesome day.

 _And_ , his trusty brain reminded him, _it’s only halfway done_.


	2. Chapter 2

The smell of smog was heavy in the air, and Toro kept a bandana around his mouth to keep from breathing it in until the bus had passed. He didn’t know why it always ended being _their bus_ that arrived late. If it wasn’t so darn cold, he would have suggested to Ara that they just walk, icy sidewalk and all.

As it was, he was barely listening to her chatter. 

“Earth to Toro!” Her fingers snapped in front of his nose, and he jumped. Ara laughed at his slight overreaction and shrugged. “You’ve been staring at that particular spot in the empty air for about ten minutes,” she informed him, “Unless it isn’t empty, and actually a ghost, in which case, thanks for not telling me, something’s on your mind.”

Ara’s knack for knowing things never failed to unnerve Toro. He shrugged, ready to admit that, yeah, he was distracted by something.

“I messed up today, with Gamzee,” he confided in Ara, “I am officially the worst friend.”

“Well, I’m sure that’s just not true,” Ara tried to comfort him automatically, rubbing circles into his shoulder with her wool mitten, “I bet you’re just exaggerating! What happened, exactly? I’m sure I can help you out!”

There wasn’t anything she could do, though. Toro sighed, rolling the situation around in his mind. “He was trying to find courage, you know, to confess to Karter. I rained on his confidence parade, though, and now he’s upset. I don’t think he’ll try now, not at all. I can’t believe I got in the way, with my own feelings, I mean.” 

Thankfully, Ara knew exactly what Toro was talking about without having to ask. Smiling sympathetically, she wrapped him up in a huge hug. “Oh, don’t beat yourself up! Just practice what to say to him next, or maybe text him, if that’s easier.”

“Thanks, Ara, but I don’t think it’s that easy. I need some luck, I think.” 

Some luck…

Toro glanced off to the side, and it didn’t take long to make out the self-proclaimed Scourge Sisters in the crowd. The two gorgeous vampires were almost constantly attached at the hip, one blind and rocking a rainbow of clashing, neon colors that somehow worked on her pointed, boney body, and the other Vriska Serket, Toro’s part-time friend, and part-time worst nightmare.

Her cloak was a tad overdramatic, but then again, what about her wasn’t? In her company, besides Terezi, stood Dave and John. The four of them would be the popular clique, Toro was sure, if their lives were some sort of cliché high school fantasy. 

“Wait here, Ara,” Toro murmured, patting her arm and taking off towards the group before Ara could remind him how stupid whatever he was about to do would turn out to be.

He should have already known, after all. Getting Vriska Serket involved was always a dumb idea.

Before he could burst their small social bubble, however, Toro noticed they were in the middle of conversation, and lurked politely to the side to wait for the opportune moment to interrupt. 

“—don’t fa la fucking la anything, Egbert, Christmas is still weeks away,” Dave grumped.

John, who presumably had been singing, shook his head. “Dude, I don’t know why you hate holidays so much. They’re pretty much the opposite of something that should be hated. I’m taking you caroling with me this year, and that’s final.”

“Obviously I get to come too, right John?” Vriska invited herself, flashing her fangs at him.

“Dave is only being a sourpuss because he doesn’t like the cold,” Terezi added, seemingly defending her flushed aspiration, an arm looped lazily, territorially, around Dave’s shoulders, “He grew up down yonder, remember? He’s of the bible humping folk.”

Toro felt odd, looking in on the social interactions of the four close friends. There was an unspoken overlapping grouping within them that could be seen even in the way they stood. Dave and John, the two best bros, and the Scourge Sisters, standing opposite them. And again, with Dave and Terezi, and their romantic tension, and the same mirrored in John and Vriska. As such, there was a tense alienlike atmosphere between Dave and Vriska, who barely acknowledged each other, and John and Terezi, who seemed completely unaware that the other even existed. It was rather strange, actually, and Toro was thinking on it perhaps a little too hard, because he didn’t even notice when Vriska said his name.

“Toro, Taurino-dork, earth to the poketard!”

That, however, did catch his attention. Toro blinked his way back into the then and there, trying not to look guilty or embarrassed, or show any sign of weakness that Vriska would have despised. 

“You do know how _ruuude_ it is to eavesdrop, right?” Vriska placed a hand to her hip, which was hyper-extended to the side, as though she meant to use the pointed angle of her pelvis as a weapon, which Toro didn’t consider outside the realm of possibility. “Well, are you going to say anything, or just gape at us like a dead fish?”

Talking to her was always a chore, though Toro would never tell her so. “Uh, yeah. I mean, I’m going to stop gaping like a deceased fish now, and talk.”

It didn’t take a psychic to notice that John was disturbed by Toro’s presence. The fact that Vriska made a habit of showing romantic interest in the both of them was a constant source of tension between them. Of course, the fact that Toro couldn’t tell which of the four quadrants Vriska’s affections laid in only made it that much worse. Depending on which one she sought, he would have turned her down, or asked her on a date, years ago. One day, perhaps, he would ask her. Today, however, was Gamzee’s day.

“I have a slight favor, for a problem,” Toro added quickly, as he saw Vriska about to open her mouth to comment. If she began interrupting too much, he might lose his nerve. “I may have slipped up, and said something stupid, and now something Gamzee was going to do, he decided not to do.”

Now all four pairs of eyes were on him, even if Dave’s couldn’t be seen behind his shades, Toro felt the heat coming from them. 

“Okay.” Vriska paused, as though waiting for Toro to continue.

When Toro didn’t take his cue as Vriska so obviously wanted him to, John stepped forward, just a mere half-inch, just enough to physically move himself into the conversation, that bastard. “Um,” John began, obviously mocking Toro’s habit of stuttering, “What do you want us to do about that, genius?”

That…. was a damn good question. 

“Well, Gamzee kind of needs to get lucky.” Wow, Toro, great job. He could hear Terezi and Dave beginning to snicker, and hoped his blush wasn’t too visible. Freudian slip-ups were usually Karter’s thing, dammit! “He needs some luck, so he can ask Karter out, on a date.”

“ _Aaand_?” Vriska’s impatience rolled off her tensed shoulders in waves, and she glanced to the side where a bus had pulled up. Oh great, that was her bus, wasn’t it? “Just spit it out, already!”

How to make this simple? “You’re always bragging about having all the luck,” Toro finally did just ‘spit it out’, a bit impressed with himself when his tone matched hers in levels of sass, “So I assumed, in matters of luck, you were the one to talk to.”

Of the multiple reactions Toro anticipated, laughter was probably the worst outcome. And yet there Vriska stood, like a nightmare, bent over, cackling so hard she was snorting like a pig. 

“What do you expect me to do,” Vriska demanded once she had caught her breath, dangerously close to missing her ride, “just wave my hands, and let you borrow some of my luck?” Now that she mentioned it, it did sound… well, really stupid. The snarky vampress turned back to her friends, making sure they were watching as she drove the stake to destroy the rest of Toro’s confidence. “Here, Taurino, this is a gift from you to me.” 

“ _Ooohhh_!” Mimicking a witch, Vriska waved her hands over Toro’s head, sprinkling him with her invisible, imaginary luck. “Don’t use it all in one place!”

They were still laughing when they disappeared into the bus, and Toro stood there, paralyzed by the realization of his own stupidity. He… really didn’t have anyone else but himself to blame, did he? He watched, stone-faced, as the bus pulled away from the curb.

“Was that as painful as it looked?” Ara asked Toro once he joined her again. He merely nodded at her.

\--

“No, stop, stop, _stop_!”

Gamzee relented obediently, pulling his mouth away from Callie’s stomach as she continued to squeal with giggles. He waited for her to give the okay symbol again, and took a deep breath, blowing a loud, obnoxious raspberry on her stomach while she laughed with joy.

“Could you two bozos keep it down? I am trying to watch tv.” Calorn grumped from his place on the couch, legs curled up underneath him as he turned up the volume with the remote.

On the screen, Gamzee heard the sound of screams, and turned to check what he was watching. “Hey, hey,” he scolded, “You know Kurloz gets all shades of salty with you when you go watching shit you’re not allowed to. No gory stuff, ‘kay?” He had a glaring contest with his brother until the latter gave up and turned the channel to one of his weird cartoons. 

“Again, Gammy,” Callie requested his attention once more, and Gamzee was more than happy to oblige. He tickled her around the baby fat of her belly, causing the preteen to wiggle like an overexcited worm over Gamzee’s knees. 

This time when she requested him to stop, he pulled back and stretched. “Okay, I can’t feel my legs anymore, Callie,” he told her, and she politely rolled off, pulling her tank top back to cover her middle torso. Gamzee blatantly ignored the way she was developing into a woman already; it upset him to know she wasn’t going to be a little baby the rest of her life. He would have dressed her up in large hoodies to make her look five again if it wouldn’t be so awkward trying to fit her developing wings into them. Callie was home now; there was no reason to make her wear her binder.

“Cal,” Callie spoke up, turning to her twin and leaning against the armrest, “You’re going to get a beer belly if all you do is watch tv all day! Come on, with the three of us, we can play twister or something.”

“Twister is boring,” came the predictable response.

Gamzee and Callie shared looks, smiling and trying not to laugh at their brother’s grouchy nature. Gamzee didn’t even want to imagine what puberty would do to his personality. Might as well savor his (relative) innocence as it lasted.

“Well, Mr. Grump, what would you like to play?” Gamzee wrapped his arms around Callie from behind, careful not to press her wings against her back in an uncomfortable position. He knew they were often sore enough as it was, between having to hide them away whenever she was away at school, and the growing pains. Calorn’s wings weren’t quite as well developed yet, to his disdain, as if he needed another reason to be jealous of his older twin. “Come on, Calorn, let’s play flashlight tag or something.”

That had been one of Calorn’s favorites back when he was just a tiny thing, and after a moment of silence, Gamzee could see he had chosen correctly.

“Uhg, fine, whatever.” The tv was shut off, the remote placed on the coffee table.

Immediately Gamzee and Callie sprung to action. “I’ll grab the lights and the curtains,” Gamzee said as Callie added, “I get the flashlight first!”

Calorn sighed heavily, but was quick to jump to his feet and rush to find a hiding spot. He dove down the hall, rushing past Madeline on his way. “Oi, Maddie, Callie’s it. Run for it, woman!” Being deaf, he couldn’t be sure that she understood him, but it didn’t matter. More and more, Calorn seemed to be losing his childhood, but it wouldn’t go down without a fight.

Confused, Maddie found Gamzee, who was busy pulling curtain after curtain closed, shrouding the room in darkness. With their vampire eyesight, it took hardly a second for their vision to adjust, but Gamzee was still startled when he turned around to see her. “Whoa! Hey, Mads.”

She barely mouthed the word “What” before Gamzee saw the light around the corner that signaled Callie’s presence. “Find a place to hide, sister,” Gamzee mouthed to her, shoving her off. 

They both escaped through the same door, and took their separate ways in the hall.

“Ready or not, here I come!” Callie called, waving her flashlight around the room. She knew better than to imagine that one of her brothers would hide in here. They might circle back later, though, so she had to keep that in mind. 

Having found his hiding spot, Gamzee, the amateur contortionist that he was, wrapped his long limbs into a ball around him, and hid his face between his thighs. He was trapped between a bookshelf and a chair, but didn’t feel all that uncomfortable. Deciding he was going to be there for a while, he dug out his cell from his pocket, checking to see if he had any messages. When the familiar grey text lit up his cell’s screen, a warmth spread through Gamzee’s chest.

GUESS WHO IS CURRENTLY SUFFERING FROM A MIGRAINE-INDUCING WRITER’S BLOCK? AMUSE ME OR SOMETHING BEFORE I BASH MY SKULL IN.

No one could really explain Gamzee’s affection for his ornery brother, least of all Gamzee himself. But there was something about the crabby, foul-mouthed guy that set Gamzee’s heart aflame with compassion and devotion. He had never really understood the idea of soul mates, of having another person to “complete” him, until Karter had come along. His want was desperate, to soak in Karter’s presence and bask in their comfortable companionship until they were more like one being, moving, thinking, and acting with each other each second of every day. 

HeH, i gOt yOuR BaCk, BrOtHeR. nOw, HoW CaN A ClOwN Be dOwN WiTh aMuSiNg tHe eAsIlY UnAmUsEd?  
ANYTHING BUT YOUR CIRCUS JOKES, GOD FORBID.  
AwWwW, c'mOn, ThOsE ArE LiKe cHeEsE, tHeY StAy gOoD FoReVeR. lEt's sEe... YoU EvEr hEaRd tHe oNe aBoUt tHe eLePhAnT AnD ThE TiGhT RoPe aCt?  
IF YOU FINISH THAT SENTENCE, GAMZEE MOTHERFUCKING MAKARA, I WILL REFUSE TO SO MUCH AS BREATHE IN YOUR GENERAL DIRECTION FOR A WEEK. I DO NOT CARE ABOUT ELEPHANTS, ESPECIALLY THOSE OF THE PERFORMANCE ARTS KIND. YOU WILL CEASE THIS HORRIBLE TOPIC AT ONCE, IS THAT UNDERSTOOD?  
HeHeHeHeH, oH FiIiIiIiNe, WhAtEvEr. SoOn aS YoU'Re sToPpInG ThAt sOuNdInG LiKe eQuIbRo nOiSe.  
EWWW, I DO *NOT* SOUND LIKE THAT CLOPPING CREEP.  
OKAY, ARE YOU DONE BEING RETARDED? CAN WE HAVE AN ACTUAL GODFUCKING SERIOUS CONVERSATION NOW?  
SuRe, JuSt bE AlL TeLlInG Me wHaT My fAvOrItE BeSt bRo wAnTs tO GeT HiS CoNvErSe oN AbOuT ThIs fInE AfTeR EvEnInG.  
UGH, I DON’T EVEN KNOW.  
I GUESS I FEEL LIKE SHIT THOUGH, BECAUSE I PROMISED KANAYA SOMETHING, AND I FAILED TO PULL THROUGH, AS PER FUCKING USUAL. AS THOUGH I DON’T ALREADY HAVE A RESUME OF FAILURES TO PRIDE MYSELF ON, I JUST KEEP ON MARCHING ON, ADDING TO THE DICKFONDLING LIST LIKE A COMPLETE AND UTTER IMBECILE.   
AwWw, I'M SuRe iT AiN'T EvEn aBoUt bEiNg hAlF As bAd aS YoU'Re mAkInG It oUt tO Be. WhAt dId yOu pRoMiSe hEr, AnYhOw?  
MY JOB WAS TO INVITE PEOPLE TO HER FAMILY’S CHRISTMAS PARTY, BUT EVERYONE I ASKED WAS ALREADY GOING. APPARENTELY SHARING OVERLAPPING SOCIAL CIRCLES DOESN’T REALLY DO EITHER OF US ANY GOOD.   
HuH, tHaT Is tOuGh...  
WaIt, BrO, hOlD On uP.

Hearing the sound of footsteps entering the room, Gamzee pressed his phone to his chest to hide its light, which would surely have given him away easily. He felt the cell vibrate angrily; Karter really wasn’t one for being ignored. It was just one of his many little quirks that Gamzee found endlessly endearing. Usually he’d have no problem indulging the cantankerous boy, but right now he was deep in a game, and like Kurloz was always reminding him, family came first. 

“Gammy,” Callie called out, “I know you’re in here!” 

Shit, maybe he hadn’t spent his time texting Karter, and had just kept still. Oh well, Gamzee wasn’t really opposed to being it. 

Peeking out was a no-go, so Gamzee remained content to keep himself tight in his little ball, head facing his crotch, unable to see where Callie was. His hearing was able to pick up her location, though, and he waited as she circled the room, sometimes getting close before passing him by. 

But she knew he was there, so eventually she had to find him, and find him she did.

“Gammy!” She shone the light on the back of his head, and he laughed. “Oh my gosh! I hope you’re not stuck like that!” She helped him push the chair aside, but Gamzee uncurled easily enough, taking the flashlight from her.

“Count to ten,” Callie advised Gamzee, kissing him on the cheek before rushing off quickly, her wings extended as though she was about to take flight.

Covering his ears and closing his eyes, Gamzee counted out loud to ten, so no one could accuse him of cheating. He took his time, mind still on Karter. He hoped his friend got over his writing block, soon. Karter was near inconsolable whenever he was in such a funk. Always so down on himself, that poor guy. Whatever he did was miracles to Gamzee. Maybe one day Gamzee would tell him so, and Karter would believe it. 

Oh, wait, he had already made it past ten!

Gamzee stopped his count at sixteen, sighing heavily. God, why did romance have to be so hard and fraught with trial? Why couldn’t one bro just tell another that he desired to share a bath in a completely platonic but still deeply intimate manner without everyone getting their brains all up in knots? But no, the last time he did something like that, Toro had reacted as though he’d asked for his hand in marriage, and not just some innocent sloppy makeouts between two guys, who to be completely honest, had some sexual tension that really had to acted upon sooner or later.

But no, there was always talk of time, and being ready, and sorting out personal issues. Being shot down by both his bros was not something that Gamzee wanted to experience.

Whoa, the game!

There would be time to sort out his teenaged drama later. Gamzee sprinted down the hall, seeking out the direction he knew Madeline had gone in. She was a loud bugger, for a vampire, and would be easy to find. 

As he rounded a corner, however, Gamzee smacked hard into flesh and bones. 

“Sorry, Kur—” Gamzee glanced up, and was mistaken. His breath flew out of him softly, as he shrunk under a looming vampire, who was certainly not his elder brother. A cold glance was all it took for Gamzee to switch the flashlight off and tuck it away in his pocket. “Hey dad,” he said.

Kurloz stepped out from behind Capric Makara, a look of disappointment nearly mirrored in their father’s face. 

“Gamzee,” Capric said, voice just as monotone as Gamzee remembered it since his last visit a few months ago, “Get the twins. We are having a family meeting. I have something important to discuss with all of you.”

Within moments, Gamzee and Kurloz were able to seek out the twins and Madeline, who emerged from their hiding spots at the announcement of their visitor. Kurloz went to retrieve Mickey from the game room as well, despite the looks that Capric gave him at doing so, holding onto his moirail’s hand and keeping a finger to his own stitched lips to remind the other to remain silent.

They gathered in the family room, the six of them huddled together at the couch. As easier as it would have been to spread out among the other chairs, Gamzee felt better with Callie on his lap, and knew Calorn was only half-heartily objecting when Maddie offered her own lap to him. Kurloz smacked his shoulder lightly to help him make his decision to take up her offer, and Mickey took the arm so he could lean up against Kurloz. 

“What’z up, Mizter C?” Mickey was the first to speak, despite Kurloz’s best attempts at signaling for his silence. “Long time, no zee.” 

Capric just ignored him, waiting for complete silence before speaking. “I am assuming that no one has heard of the Maryam family’s Christmas party yet,” he said, to Gamzee’s surprise, “The one that every vampire family in the area has already been invited to, save for our own.” 

His gaze was focused mainly on Kurloz, who spoke for all of them.

After a moment, Kurloz’s eyes began to glow with his odd vampire magic. _I THOUGHT NOTHING OF IT_ , his telepathic voice echoed in the room, seemingly having no source, _THE MARYAM FAMILY SEEKS ONLY TO REGAIN SOME SENSE OF PRIDE IN THE VAMPIRE COMMUNITY_.

“A status they lost because of you,” Capric responded bitterly, nailing Kurloz to the spot with narrowed eyes, “when you refused to hold up your side of the arranged marriage.”

It was awkward beyond measure for a long time, as nobody spoke. Gamzee watched his older brother, recalling all the times the situation had been reversed. Kurloz had dug him out of some very deep holes in the past. Taking a deep breath, Gamzee help up a hand.

“I, uh, I got an idea.”

**Author's Note:**

> If you want to help me write this story, please visit my [askblog](http://vampyrestuck.tumblr.com/)! Just sending in a single question could be the push I need, knowing that people are interested and want me to continue!


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